I love what I do. I am blessed to wake up every morning excited about attacking the day and building God's kingdom, but there are some aspects that are just awkward, and it's just part of the job description. I will give you just one, so you can see what is going on in my mind, and maybe have a bit of grace if you see me in the frozen food section. Trips to the store can be very tricky for me.
First of all consider the fact that if I am in the store chances are that means that Kristin asked me to pick something up, and unless that item is milk, eggs, steak, or a flat screen TV I have no idea wear it is. So these trips are often like a mini-scavenger hunt of sorts, considering I'm a man and men don't need directions.
Secondly, I'm a Pastor and Pastors are supposed to remain cool under pressure, constantly smiling, and then recognize every person who has ever visited your church, or someone who knows someone who attends the church, or sometimes in my case someone who saw you on TV once. I suppose these issues compound with a new and fast growing church. To put it into perspective, we have grown by close to 200 people since this time last year and we have grown by 400 since this time two years ago. Then you add to the fact that although I do my best but I have a terrible memory because of the year 1993 (post on that later).
All of that to say, I had one of those moments the other day that made me think of all of this. I'm minding my business strolling through walmart, and in a span of about 11 seconds I had an incredibly awkward experience. I see a woman probably in her late twenties or early thirties with a little girl shopping away, didn't pay much attention, then she looked at me and as soon as she did my brain starts firing off thinking, "she looks really familiar", and then the rolodex of every friend, acquaintance, church member, visitor etc... rolls through my mind. In less than a second I had run through every person I know, and still she looked somewhat familiar and I didn't want to offend her if she has been attending my church, nor did I want to come across as some cheesy guy hitting on an innocent woman with her baby girl. Do you see what is going through my mind? I thought I will do the lesser of two evils, and somewhat recognize her but not over the top so I wouldn't send mixed messages so I gave a simple and friendly smile attempting to communicate "It's nice to see you (If I'm your pastor)" and at the same time "I am harmless (If I am not your pastor)" Either way it is just awkward, and I don't know what happened but in that split second I thought I think she is from my church and I don't want to just walk right past her and smile, so I did the only thing I knew to do to salvage it either way and that is a subtle, innocent, and really cheesy head bob. She just smiled and I went on looking for meatballs.
I guess I say all of that to say, I do care about the people that God puts in my path, and I never want to send a message that says that I don't care, or that you aren't important. I hope that gives you a little insight into a peculiar Pastor who genuinely cares, and to ask for a little grace if you see me in the store and I don't see or recognize you immediately come over and say hello, I'm probably just lost. If being awkward is part of the price for loving people so be it, I'm pretty used to it at this point. Have a great day!
